An article I wrote for the Education Newsletter
By this point, we’ve all been there…the dreaded staff meeting (and if you haven’t, you sneaky bastard you, please tell us your secrets.) Staff meetings are a place where the staff comes together to go over unimportant topics, waste as much time as possible, and generally drive a PCV crazier than they already are.
After attending every staff meeting at my school for the past year and a half and spending roughly 32 hours of my life in these “meetings” I’ve managed to develop and put to practice a survival guide. I believe it has kept me from going completely insane and ETing on the spot and I want to share it with you today. My friends get ready to be schooled on staff meeting survival:
1) Show up early. And by that I mean on time. You want to make sure you get a good seat. Preferably not directly in your head teacher’s line of vision. If possible sit next to or near your Oustas, or oldest teacher. You can make a bet with yourself or your closest teacher friend on how long it will take for him to fall asleep.
2) If you have long hair wear it down or to one side over your shoulder so that you can listen to your ipod. If you have short hair, again, seat placement is key. Try sitting in the back corner. I recommend the podcast “How Stuff Works.” It’s perfect for making 4 hours seem like 1 and it’ll make you giggle AND smarter at the same time.
3) Glue a crossword puzzle into a notebook so it looks like you are taking notes. Don’t forget to look up and nod every once in a while! And if your family and friends don’t think that sending 2 crossword puzzles in every care package is more important than peanut m&ms let me know, I have plenty and would be willing to give them away (at a price, cough peanut m&ms cough)
4) Find that one teacher who likes to stare at you, shouldn’t be hard, and have a stare-off. Try and make him as uncomfortable as he makes you on a daily basis. WARNING: If not done the right way this teacher could get the wrong idea so do with caution.
5) Count the number of yawns per half hour. Maybe it’ll match up with the teachers at my school!
6) During hour number 3, I would highly advise against shaking your head, rolling your eyes, sucking your teeth, staring daggers, and muttering under your breath at your long-winded head teacher. You will regret your irrational behavior once you see sunlight and breathe fresh air again.
7) Don’t get excited and start planning the rest of your day when you get to item number 5 out of 6 on the agenda after only an hour. The last item, A.O.B (any other business) will be the bane of your existence. AOB means hours and hours of pointless, irrelevant, redundant, unnecessarily drawn out debates with topics such as: on which side of the board to write the date, how should the girls have their hair braded, using your timetable to know where you should be at what time, how to call in sick, etc.
n One way to get through the particularly long and stupid debate is to keep score. All of the teachers will want their opinions heard and will say the same things over and over. You can make two teams out of the two sides of the argument. Come up with team names (such as the righties and the lefties for the chalkboard date debate.) Give each team a point whenever there is a sensible argument is made. If someone makes an especially good point throw your hands up in the air and yell “GOOOOOAAAALL!!!
8) Before the meeting, put a lot of credit on your phone so you can catch up with your fellow PCVs. Make sure to let them know that you’re texting them because you like them, not because you’re bored out of your mind and are trying to stay awake.
9) You can make a bingo card for yourself with phrases such as “are we there?” and “isn’t it?” and words such as: assessment or syllabus. You could even include actions such as a teacher jerking awake, a teacher chasing students away from the windows with a stick, someone taking a call, or your head teacher taking a call.
10) Lastly, you can always use the excess of wasted time to write an article for the critically acclaimed and award winning Ed newsletter for others to read during their mindless staff meeting.
Good luck to you all and remember, it WILL end…eventually.
By this point, we’ve all been there…the dreaded staff meeting (and if you haven’t, you sneaky bastard you, please tell us your secrets.) Staff meetings are a place where the staff comes together to go over unimportant topics, waste as much time as possible, and generally drive a PCV crazier than they already are.
After attending every staff meeting at my school for the past year and a half and spending roughly 32 hours of my life in these “meetings” I’ve managed to develop and put to practice a survival guide. I believe it has kept me from going completely insane and ETing on the spot and I want to share it with you today. My friends get ready to be schooled on staff meeting survival:
1) Show up early. And by that I mean on time. You want to make sure you get a good seat. Preferably not directly in your head teacher’s line of vision. If possible sit next to or near your Oustas, or oldest teacher. You can make a bet with yourself or your closest teacher friend on how long it will take for him to fall asleep.
2) If you have long hair wear it down or to one side over your shoulder so that you can listen to your ipod. If you have short hair, again, seat placement is key. Try sitting in the back corner. I recommend the podcast “How Stuff Works.” It’s perfect for making 4 hours seem like 1 and it’ll make you giggle AND smarter at the same time.
3) Glue a crossword puzzle into a notebook so it looks like you are taking notes. Don’t forget to look up and nod every once in a while! And if your family and friends don’t think that sending 2 crossword puzzles in every care package is more important than peanut m&ms let me know, I have plenty and would be willing to give them away (at a price, cough peanut m&ms cough)
4) Find that one teacher who likes to stare at you, shouldn’t be hard, and have a stare-off. Try and make him as uncomfortable as he makes you on a daily basis. WARNING: If not done the right way this teacher could get the wrong idea so do with caution.
5) Count the number of yawns per half hour. Maybe it’ll match up with the teachers at my school!
6) During hour number 3, I would highly advise against shaking your head, rolling your eyes, sucking your teeth, staring daggers, and muttering under your breath at your long-winded head teacher. You will regret your irrational behavior once you see sunlight and breathe fresh air again.
7) Don’t get excited and start planning the rest of your day when you get to item number 5 out of 6 on the agenda after only an hour. The last item, A.O.B (any other business) will be the bane of your existence. AOB means hours and hours of pointless, irrelevant, redundant, unnecessarily drawn out debates with topics such as: on which side of the board to write the date, how should the girls have their hair braded, using your timetable to know where you should be at what time, how to call in sick, etc.
n One way to get through the particularly long and stupid debate is to keep score. All of the teachers will want their opinions heard and will say the same things over and over. You can make two teams out of the two sides of the argument. Come up with team names (such as the righties and the lefties for the chalkboard date debate.) Give each team a point whenever there is a sensible argument is made. If someone makes an especially good point throw your hands up in the air and yell “GOOOOOAAAALL!!!
8) Before the meeting, put a lot of credit on your phone so you can catch up with your fellow PCVs. Make sure to let them know that you’re texting them because you like them, not because you’re bored out of your mind and are trying to stay awake.
9) You can make a bingo card for yourself with phrases such as “are we there?” and “isn’t it?” and words such as: assessment or syllabus. You could even include actions such as a teacher jerking awake, a teacher chasing students away from the windows with a stick, someone taking a call, or your head teacher taking a call.
10) Lastly, you can always use the excess of wasted time to write an article for the critically acclaimed and award winning Ed newsletter for others to read during their mindless staff meeting.
Good luck to you all and remember, it WILL end…eventually.
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